So, I’m on my 3 ‘touching’ of the manuscript. The 1st touch built the story and the 2nd touch added life and fat. The 3rd touch is trimming the FAT. <- I touched this again this morning, so I’ve pasted the fresh copy below.
Target Audience: Middle Grade / Adventure Fantasy
Please do tell me what you think! Does this get your attention? Do you want to read more?
“Are you going to get started with your day or do I need to light a fire under your butt?” Faith’s mother interrupted with no regard to the day-dream that Faith was enjoying.
The morning had just started as Faith sat at the window peacefully. That is until she was startled by her mom’s voice. She wanted to continue watching the golden Aspen leaves flip around like butterfly wings in the light breeze. Her mom’s grouchy question couldn’t break her concentration from the world outside the window for too long. Faith was trying to figure out if she could mix her water-color paints to match the assortment of colors that the trees in her neighborhood wore. She spotted leaves stained with fiery reds, saturated yellows, and burnt oranges. She was thankful that the Pine Trees and Douglas Firs were holding on to their green foliage. They were helping to round out the full picture of Fall.
The air had shifted from a clean crisp summer day to the fragrance of fallen leaves. Faith could smell the smoke from wood burning fireplaces. The tempo of everyone’s lives had changed from the slower pace of “relax and enjoy” to running around with busy schedules and weekend soccer games. Faith picked up her hot chocolate and took a sip.
“Yes mom,” Faith answered as she dreamily looked towards her mother, “I was just trying to figure out how to paint the trees.”
Faith stood up with her drink and walked into the kitchen. Her nose was greeted by the smells of her sister’s cooking. The kitchen was filled with the aroma of freshly baked bread and cut herbs. Faith’s sister, Annmarie, seemed to have a knack for waking the family up with a new food creation for breakfast. It was as if Annmarie was sharing her love in the food.
Today’s creation included an egg quiche sprinkled with Cheddar Cheese, Parmesan Cheese shavings, a pinch of Rosemary, and a few scraps of shredded roast from last nights dinner. Annmarie took the time to slice, butter, and crisp up each piece of bread from a loaf for toast. Once the quiche was cooked just right, Annmarie stylishly presented the food and handed her sister a plate.
“I don’t want eggs,” Faith mumbled as she put her plate back onto the counter. She did want the bread. So she picked up the hot buttered toast and took a bite.
“Good! More for me,” grinned Annmarie as she scooped up Faith’s quiche and put it onto her own plate.
This was the first normal feeling day that Faith or Annmarie had in a while. There father was deployed again and every time he left it seemed to make everyone crazy. At least for a little while. The first few months and last few months were always the hardest.